If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
