I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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