Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
