I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I'm really busy with my period
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