Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
