hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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