dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
