Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
