My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
