You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
