everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize