it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
