I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize