I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
