Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I am one with the molecules
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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