hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
