You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Randomize
