i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
