Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
