butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
