so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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