i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
