I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
