i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
