I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Watching her eat just hurts me
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
