My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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