I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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