the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
