We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
