why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
