don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
