took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
