Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Randomize