dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
