At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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