Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
