david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize