weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
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