I wanna bring you to show and tell
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
