matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
