i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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