Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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