dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
