Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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