i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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