so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
