John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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