i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize
