you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
