I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
