oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
this boner is exhausting
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize