But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Randomize
