sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
