my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
