every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
