4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
