I think I won the penis lottery.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Enjoy the penises
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
