I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
