that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
