this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
