OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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