Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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