Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
