During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
