girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
