They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
