Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
